6 Rules for Effective Communication in a Relationship

Rule no 1. 
You have the right to ask your partner for a favour:
"Could you clean the dishes?"

Rule no 2.
If you ask for a favour explain the reason why, so that the message is important to your partner.
There is a significant difference between:
"Could you clean the dishes?" and
"Could you clean the dishes, please? I want to cook a dinner for us and its difficult when the sink is full."

Rule no 3. 
You have the right to say "NO"
You may be busy and not able to help your partner in this very moment:
"I hear you, but I am busy right now"

Rule no 4. 
If you say "NO" explain why
You love your partner and do not want them to feel ignored. Explain why you can not help them and when would you help:
"I hear you, but I am busy right now. I will finish off this report and in about 10 minutes I will clean the dishes, ok?"

Rule no 5.
"I" instead of "you"
Using "you" puts a blame on your partner. Being blamed often makes people defensive rather than cooperative:
"You make me sad"
Using "I" helps to express what you feel and there is little space for the argument. No one can argue with the way you feel:
"I feel sad"


Rule no 6.
Making an effort to explain indicates that you respect your partner
"ok" or "I will" sometimes may not be enough
"Could you clean the dishes, please? I want to cook a dinner for us and its difficult when the sink is full."
Instead of "ok" explain "I hear you, but I am busy right now. I will finish off this report and in about 10 minutes I will clean the dishes"

Therapy Room, Marta Biczkowska, 2013