How to listen and ask questions?

1. Ask open-ended questions (OEQ) 

Asking questions is often more powerful than giving advices

"Is there something bothering you?"

"What have you done so far about it?"

"What are you planning to do about it?"

"What could you do?"

"How does it make you feel?" 

"What options do you have, which one do you think is the best?"

2. Do not assume - summarize

So you are saying that it has been going on for quite a while now. And you have tried x and it did not work. When you tried y it got worst. Do you think there are any other options? (OEQ)

3. Name the feelings

"I see that you are upset about it"

"You seem to be pretty angry"

"I can see that you are down"

"You sound stressed out"

"Your voice is shaky, are you moved by it?"

4. Listen and let the person talk 

Do not start talking about yourself "I felt the same last week because..."

5. Be interested

Sometimes we lose attention and instead of providing a supportive environment we begin to view the situation through our own perspective often to the extent that we can't hear the other person anymore. I can assure you if you do not listen the other person feels it! If you really want to understand and support concentrate on what they have to say. 

6. Offer choices 

When we have a problem often we are so fixed on the issue, that we don't seem to be able to think about other possibilities. In fact often we believe that our options are limited. One of the reasons why it could be happening is that we concentrate on the negative aspect so intensively that most of our energy is consumed by negative thinking. Instead of trying to find a way out, we get stuck. 

Changing negative thinking to more positive view see:

precisionselfimprovement.blogspot.com/2012/03/positive-thinking.html

"It seems to me that there are to at least two options you could do x or maybe y, what do you think?" 

"What about x or y, which one do think is better?"

7. Benefits 

By using the above you get to learn a lot about the other person. You also create a space for them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. It is an opportunity for you and for them to understand the situation better.

The beauty of listing is that it is contagious! You will soon notice that you are also being listen to, and it feels great! Listening is a skill that can be learned. The more you practice the better listener you became.