Losing Erection too quickly

Losing Erection too quickly

Things seem to go well. The fore play is exciting and you sexy. You have an erection but once it come to the actual sex, it only last for a short time or it is gone very quickly! Even though you keep trying to stay hard, it just does not seem to work. You get embarrassed and start asking yourself whether there is something wrong with you. When this happens you just do not feel like a ‘real’ man. When it happens again you get worried and stressed out, which makes things worst.

The causes of this problem can be physiological, psychological or a combination of the two.

 

   Can you maintain an erection while masturbating? 

   Can you maintain an erection before sexual performance?  
   Can you maintain an erection while having an oral sex?
   Do you have night and morning emissions?
   Are you 35 years old or under? 
        Do you assume you are not able to maintain an erection during sex?

If your answer is yes to most of these questions, it is very likely that the cause of your problem is psychological.

Psychological impotence is where erection or penetration fails due to thoughts or feelings  (psychological reasons) rather than physical impossibility. There is a strong response to placebo treatment  in psychological impotence. 

It is possible that because of your past negative experience you have unconsciously created negative thought pattern that blocks you and makes your sex life stressful.

What is your idea of a good sex and are these expectations realistic?

Do you expect to perform well and to be satisfied most of the time while having sex?

Answers to these questions may seem obvious but when you really take time and analyze your thoughts you may discover that they may not be logical.

Next step is to look at how much porn do you watch and how often. 

How does it impact your idea of good sex?

Even though most of us realize that porn is a directed movie with hot and nearly perfect porn starts in action, we still hope our sex life could be similar.

Sex like everything else sometimes is just not great. In fact most of the time sex can be disappointing at start. It may be too short, too clumsy or too stressful. Things can and will go wrong. After a while more than likely you will get used your partner and learn about your and their needs. 

Take your time and try not to start sexual performance too quickly.  Taking it slowly can be exciting if you make it so. Try not to analyze the situation too much, try not to concentrate on the negative thoughts “again I won’t be able to have good sex, there is something wrong with me” etc. Once you relax it is very likely you will be fine. Explain to your partner that it is possible that you have a mental block and need time to perform better. In the mean time use other forms of sexual pleasure like oral stimulation, touching, mutual masturbation or sex toys.

If you have tried all that and still find it difficult to maintain erection, see a professional. I would recommend to book a session with a sexologist who has a background  in therapy, psychology or counseling. Answer the above questions making notes. It will make it easier for you to explain what is the problem and the professional will have a clear view of what is going on. 

You are not the only one troubled by this issue. Everyone at least once in their life will experience a sexual difficulty either directly or through their partner. There are many men having similar difficulties, we just do not seem to talk about it too often. 

By Therapy Room 2013 

Marta Biczkowska 
Psychologist